I wrote the below poem after seeing my family for the first time after moving to university. It was a strange experience because I suddenly felt like a visitor in their lives. It was something out of the ordinary for them to see me. It reminded me of when we used to meet up with family members for a meal after not seeing them for a while. I did not belong to their ‘unit’ anymore. Maybe it was the fact that I just met them for lunch and a walk; maybe it will be different when I go and stay at home, but it felt so strange. I felt like I was a dead person, looking on at my old life before I moved to uni – except I wasn’t there. It was almost like a feeling of grief because it dawned on me that things would never go back to the way they were before I moved out.
I tried to personify my house in this poem because I guess growing up we assume that our house will be our home forever. And it feels like a living breathing thing full of life (or at least it does to me). There’s a strong rhyme scheme to that section too because it reflects familiarity. I wanted to repeat the phrase ‘life goes on’ because despite the fact it’s a scary concept – life does go on whether I’m there or not. I think I have a lot of insecurity about whether my family miss me, prefer things without me etc. However, I think I’ve just got to realise that this is a time of change. Things are different and not the same but, that doesn’t mean they’re not good. One period of time does not compare to the other because it’s different. Life moves on.
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Grief buried in my bones,
Bones of the body that is my home.
My own –
My only permanent home.
Pulling the new experiences,
Deep into my skin,
Letting sadness evaporate
and dissipate at dawn
The old me looks on
(From the outside)
At those four walls
With their glowing white front
And their brick back
With the trees round the side
And the blinds it lacked
With its warm red walls
And uncarpeted floors
With it’s four toilets
And heavy wooden doors
The old me looks on
From the outside
Because life goes on
Missing one
I’m not there,
But i’m very aware
That life goes on
Missing one.
I wonder if they like it,
Without me there?
Whether they miss me,
Or even care?
Shifting dynamics
A time of changes
Building a new life
with a bunch of strangers
Finty Royle
2 replies on “Shifting Family Dynamics at University”
Interesting perspective – it never even occurred to me that life went on without me at home when I went to university
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I guess everyone is different but I certainly have a strong feeling of FOMO!
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